Justify me.

As much as I love writing, I do poetry too. I have not post any of my opus here because I am a coward who is afraid of judgements and criticism. I may sounded cliche in my poem and I usually do not write them on a piece of paper. I never waste my time on "what to write" and pressuring myself to "think". It is what I  observe in my everyday life, at school, on the bus, train station & pretty much everywhere I go. I try to see people right through their walls; As if I'm the one who's been living their life, their love affairs, life at home.  I am inspired with people's appearance and somehow it amused me to know that there is so many things in life I have not discovered yet. x

A lesson for a stranger.

I might be a bitch who runs with her thorns & claws. I might not be a typical girl & I can't justify myself with words. I am weird and I can be really annoying sometimes. I love to troll strangers due to what had happened to me last year. I easily let people in my life and simply let em go. Because I learned from what had happened to me in the past and I'm not going to trust people just like that. And that is what I am doing now. I won't let people to trust me either. Cause that is just how I roll. I can be that girl who laugh, crack jokes, and the one to have a fights with. And if I'm starting to like you, I'll easily let you know how vulnerable I am and how emo I can get.. You will not find me as a cheerful person when I'm around people. But I can be that girl you'd love to be with. I fell so many times, and this is the moment where I rise. Where I learn to be myself and where I'm not afraid to troll people. I might lie, but if I say its true. I mean it.. I don't come with a "delete history, backspace, esc" button. So you just have to deal with it.. And I can be so cold & heartless sometimes. Learn to know me, cause I can assure you it will be interesting. But if you can't. You can leave. X

I bet everyone of you is questioning about my so called "wonderful life". I may or may not outspoken, but I haven't met the right person yet. Who knows that I've been speaking like an alien which no one could understand a single thing that I'm saying. I tried to be loud. But saying out loud is like being rude. So I'm gonna make this a really quick post because I'm gonna go out with Azie and Natalie in a bit. 
I've heard rumours from somewhere and I swore I did cursed for the very first time. I can't stand hearing something that is not real. Yet, I may not be perfect. But I am not fake. x

So I decided to cut my hair short from now on. It feels like all of the burdens is hanging on to my hair. I just need something to let go in my life and I had choosed to let go my long beautiful soft hair. But It feels great tho.  

Me

I consider myself as the most irresistible girl ever. I wouldn't turn NO for an answer. Everything has to be perfect. Not that I'm claiming that I am and not to brag, I'd rather be realistic other than being plastic. So I am bad on controlling my anger nowadays and seems like everything is pissing me off. At some point, I reached to my thoughts where I needed to get bald. Whatsoever, it is my decisions tho. Alas, this is the only way that might be helping me out... I've been feeling that all of my burdens/anger/hatred is hanging on my hair. And by cutting it down might be the only way for me not to get crazy.


Hm, Its been awhile since I posted "as I got cancer". I needed time.. Time.. Time.. And Time.. I haven't been inspired lately. Its like my whole mind just shut down. 

Oh just how I love my defeated moment 

I am abseloutely lost my mind. What am I doing? I am fighting over something that I had lost long time ago. To be clear, it was a year ago. and yet I am still fighting over something that won't come back. lol, can't believe I've been wasting such a long time over you. You had gave me nothing but misery. I am still in the moment of believing myself where I could turn back time and had it all like the way I planned. But its okay. I'm just fine. x

Aww, ain't this just loverly. Hihihi

Okay, to be honest. I'm bored and I have to admit I copied this from Tumblr. So here it is a few pictures of me trying to be silly. 

Hi blog. I miss you. Sorry for not giving much time/attention to you. I'm sorry if you feel abandoned or something in some sort of way. I intend to wrote something special now. As you remember, I once posted a story of "As I have cancer". And the story seems to not have and end cause she died. So yes, I'm gonna start to write about whatsoever I'm gonna write.

Lately, I am not inspired by anything. Just so you know my life sucks pretty bad this time and I'm not satisfied of the marks that I gave myself on handling problems. Ugh, I'm depressed as hell. 

Introduction Much~

I admit, I have not introduce myself much here. Other than the mind-fucked description on my blog. I love jazz, slow, sad songs. I love to write, and writing makes me feel that I'm in a better place. So yes, I can't find any "good-looking" picture to put here. Yet, I am not one. So here it is

God, I looked sooo Asian. So Hi, this is me. The girl behind this blog! xx

Plain Me

If you'd think that in a way of my character is plain too than you're wrong sweetie.

I never said that I am different from other girls out there in a sense of beauty. Hell no peeps, I am plain Jane nothing beautiful about this girl I am just like you so stop admiring me because I am pale white skinned with dark circle under my eyes, enough evidence that shows I am normal just a but a tad bit chaos in life. I weight easily and reduces easily too, I'd think I love my body for the quick changes. Allayed the thoughts of unsatisfied with my own body I am blessed to have this sort of temporary body for my soul. I am not wealthy just average the best part of living in the average life is you have to struggle hard to get what you want, I do not make up all the time (lies) I only wore eye linear to cover up the pale look I had. I used to be reddish white skinned quite healthier back then until I changed into pale skinned for I wished for it (stupid? I know) However I am liking the way I turned out now. slightly TANNED! Outgoing much? Yup my daily life in the sun. You can't be too careful anymore though got to reach out a little more to be something which will satisfy your needs. Anyhow, I never intend to be someone else that's the key of my own success. I am chaotic and slightly loony, you may look like me as simple as me but I am my own canvas. I deal with life quite often got too many to handle,deal with drama, keep my ears open for someone who likes to have a conversation by insulting and accusing, twisted on my own tongue, faced during the ups and downs. I'm aware of my doings since I was 6 every thoughts every move every conversation even my little dreams I remembered care to help me extinguish this memories? Yes only for a while that is when I am asleep. Hello people I am 15 year old chick who lived life like I'm in late 40-ties but at times I've fall back on my own youth, middle age crisis perhaps? Ha ha. One thing about me I love to argue in sarcasm but to have a high tone in argue? Er no. You'd know people get intense if you never fight back the way they did. Ah... My own entertainment. xx

Judging me

I am not entirely perfect. I experience what most of teenagers do. I have things that I wanted, I have to achieve everything to get something. I judge myself, and yes I am not perfect. I can see things clearly. I hate feelings, I hate sarcasm. To be clear, I hate just about everything in life. I wish I could just push a button to make my whole life a lot more easier. But there isn't. I am dealing with myself everyday, waking up in the morning, school, work, chores and etc.

Friends. Yes, those people who claimed to be there for you whenever you need them. To be sure, they lied. I choose only a few people to be there for me. But "bff" seems not to be always there for me. I learn the fact that you can't deal with yourself alone. Someday, there's someone who always be there for you. The one who helps you through everything. And I'll wait for that day. I'll wait for it. Cause I;m not strong anymore. I'm falling down and I can't help myself saying BE BRAVE anymore. x