I caught myself thinking about you today; everyday. Wondering where you are, what you're doing and who are you with right now. It hurts a lot not to be with you but I can live with that for now. I'm writing this to help you understand how I feel. I probably don't know all the right things to say, but my feeling and words are from the heart.
The very idea of you provides a much needed break from pressure, dating, relationships and life. In the midst of it all, the thought of you comes and refreshes me. It makes me smile in spite of the situation and surroundings. I know this might sounds crazy, but I picture the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you're trying to crack a joke and even when it's not funny. We'd laugh our ass off about it anyway. I went out with some friends, but something is always seemed to be missing. I tried to enjoy myself, but the idea of you is always in my mind. It keeps me focus on track. Aware of who I am and what's important to me. Mentally dating you everyday makes me want to be with you even more. I'm thirst of your love. So I decided to wait for you ; in mind, body & soul.
I don't usually talk or write like this, but my mind and heart is racing with anticipation. Because I love you, because I know you're there, because the very thought of you makes my pulse race, my palm sweat, my stomach flip like I'm on a roller coaster. I sounded like a love sick puppy and whenever I see you, All of a sudden I'm 13 again and again and again. And what better way to show that I've always loved you than saving myself for you- completely, and I hope you're doing the same.
We were taught to expect instant gratification. We were told that we don't have to wait for anything. Too often we act on feelings or impulses, sacrificing the future by buying into lies that "There's someone perfect for you out there". But we all know that no one is perfect. We're humans, we make mistakes, God made us to screw things badly and learn how to fix things up. And this is me, fixing "our" relationship by letting you know how I feel.
I'm waiting for you because I love you unconditionally and I need you to know that what matters to me is not what you have done or where have you been. It's where you're taking yourself. Maybe you did not realize I was there the whole time; maybe you don't even know whether I existed or maybe you thought that we had found each other, just to realize latter that what you had discovered is not true love. Real love is so different from infatuation or simple pleasure. It's not abusive or selfish or purely physical. Real love involves mutual respect, affection, equality & a shared spirituality.
I apologize for the things that I've done. I've given you enough damage to your life, the emotional scars associated with broken relationships. I hope someday we will give to ourselves to one another completely, become bestfriends, soul mates. Someday.
